End of life care!!!

Spent a traumatic week at the Marie Curie Hospice Hampstead, North London around the bedside of somebody I love - she died late Friday night. Not something easy to talk about but her 'foster granddaughter' summed up my feelings on Saturday when she wrote on Facebook.

Have u ever cried, till u can cry no more and realised that ur body is still sobbing but thee is nothing u can o to stop?

Tears wouldn't stop - had to sit in the garden - the only place I could go away from all sound so the neighbours wouldn't hear my painful raking crying. Phone didn't stop ringing - people asking if I'm Ok - all were appreciated even if I couldn't say much through the tears.

The concept of being referred to a Hospice to die is something I've not had any experience of before - a real shock to the system. Located not far from where I live but going every day with the feeling of dread, just couldn't handle public transport - the local taxi company were marvelous - seems their services are used frequently by others in the same situation going to the same hospice.

To be honest it is a much more friendly atmosphere and much nicer than a hospital but to be sent there after being told there is no hope and you are going to die is mind blowing - end of life care they call it. It's not actually dying with dignity - many people linger on for weeks and that is what I can't get my head round - it's unnerving. The time between the coma state and actual death - is agonising to witness. The staff though are just marvelous but they have to be special to work in that kind of environment. They even extend their support to visitors - much appreciated when people are distressed.

Checking some of the blog, by sheer coincidence Lynne Featherstone MP penned about her hospice visit North London Hospice - she wrote,

I have always been shocked - that end of life care (dying basically) is often left to charities rather than being part of the NHS and properly funded by them.

She has hit the nail on the head - I was more than surprised to learn that the hospice is funded by donations and not the NHS. Doesn't seem right somehow - there should be at least some contribution. I fully support the motion about this.

Still struggling to get myself back on track - back to unpacking my few remaining boxes. Grandchildren came round yesterday completely lifting my mood. After jumping all over me, such polite little beings (shoes off in nana's house), first question, where were their slippers for my house - where were all their toys. Full of beans they inspected the new layout of my flat and of course it was down in the garden......

Escape from the maddening crowd

Had an amazing time at my cousin Julie's. A lot's happened since my - Real family 'Fathers for justice' story. Julie, her hubby and sister Alice went to Cyprus to see their dad.

Then by a real stroke of luck found their eldest missing half brother Mick - another emotional journey especially for Mick who is almost my age. He and his wife have now also booked a holiday to Cyprus as well.

Through all of it, Julie has been a star - found we really get on and have been in touch ever since. She is my kind of person, somebody you don't have to mind your P's & Q's with. Kept promising I would go and visit but after my bout of flu took the bull by the horns.

Saturday up with the larks dashed out to catch the tube - was completely taken back when not only the Victoria Line was closed for engineering works but most of the other lines as well. Always say I'm a silly mare at times - should have checked before travelling. Thinking about the time of the train from Victoria, dashed over the road to borrow twenty quid from my friends shop and jumped in a taxi. Actually missed my train but because of road works around Victoria they allowed passengers on the next train without paying any penalty

Journey took less than two hours - got off and there was Julie smiling away. It was like we had known each other for years. What a marvelous place she lives in. The beach nearby and Arundel Castle the principal home of the Duke of Norfolk was just a short drive away. Just love old worldly places - Arundel was a real picture book place - some real posh shops and expensive houses.

Spent several hours touring the castle - except for Buck Palace haven't been inside one that's actually lived in. The old part was as expected, we climbed up and down all the towers. The stair wells are so narrow, can't imagine how anybody a bit over weight can manage the winding stairs. Something I'd never given a thought to before - some boys were having a good laugh at the open historic tube toilet in the top of the tower walls - bit cold for 'bums' in the winter and where did the crap all drop on to.

Over at the main part of the castle where the family live, by some fluke the guest bedrooms were open. What an eye opener - wondered how anybody nowadays can manage in those historical bathrooms. The height of the beds, even I would would have to jump to get on them - no wonder they made some special steps for Queen Victoria when she visited the castle.

As we were leaving just had to go to the loo. Cubical doors were the wooden barn type. Was in fits laughing when two elderly ladies commented with relief that at least the visitors toilets were modern.

From the Castle it was tea in an old fashioned tea/coffee shop - just the basics none of the modern Espresso, Cappuccino, Latte or Mocha stuff. Reminded me of the Agatha Christie films. Being with Julie was a laugh a minute - no point wearing my eye makeup, it kept coming of with laughter tears.

From there was a quick stroll along the sea front then back to Julie's house. Her hubby cook up some lovely nosh for us - ate until I was stuffed. With her two sons still living at home what a fun house.

Couldn't get over how quiet it was in the evening - quite unnerving for those of us who live in London.

Sunday we went to see her sister, my cousin Alison - she was so pleased to see me. Can't get over how much she resembles my own sisters. Then out of respect we called on her mum. The rest of the time flew past. Bit sad to have to leave. Got home almost midnight. Not unusual in it's self but the complicated journey because of the tube network's downtime made it very tiring.

Will I go again - hope so - that's if they want me.

BritBlog Roundup 235 BBRU 235: Midsummer Fat Panic Edition

Like a knight in shining armour Charles Crawford stepped into the breach and swapped with me - this weeks BritBlog Roundup - BBRU 235: Midsummer Fat Panic Edition is now on his blog.

Big relief - a great load off my head. He's such a witty writer well worth a read. My turn will now be 6th Sept.

Stress - I live here too!!!

Another week nearly ended - was supposed to be my quiet week - no chance to rest - unreasonable noise on a daily basis is doing my head in - feel like screaming out the window at times, I live here too.

Didn't receive any post for 3 days - not sure when the London postal strikes are planned but they seem to be ongoing - so irritating when one is expecting important mail.

Last weekend booked a mini break away - was told as it was an advance rail ticket they have a special deal - £10 return. Was flabbergasted - instead of the £27 single - who wouldn't take such a deal. Expected the tickets Monday but they only arrived this afternoon and a late post at that. Was getting myself unnecessarily stressed that they wouldn't arrive in time.

Tuesday one of my impulse buys arrived by courier delivery - a garden vac cum shredder. The trees at the back look lovely but I'm getting too old to keep raking up the thousand of falling Autumn leaves. Wasn't cheap and not easy to put together either - was also sceptical it would work the way advertised. Just had to try it out so it was a day in the garden. The gizmo is marvelous - it gobbled up all the dried grass cuttings (even with a mover that's supposed to collect the grass there are always some lumps left behind), the paper, leaves and other rubbish.

Was able also do a bit more pressure hose washing down - can only use it gradually nowadays the vibration hurts my hands. Bit surprised at the detergents suds and yucky smell which formed in the water hitting the brick step - had to scoop up the water rather than let it drain away so it wouldn't kill the grass. The whole back is on a slope and any water drainage seeps into the garden section - some days it floods. Now the pathway doesn't smell and looks lovely with all the green stuff gone - won't be slippy in the winter.

Seem to be spending a fortune on snail and slug killer. If they didn't eat the plants wouldn't bother but they seem to be out in force this year. Likewise bug killer spray - Many of the shrubs and mini tree are being infected by the two small apple trees that have been left to grow all straggly not pruned or sprayed. The owner won't listen to me but it's so sad to see them going brown with the leaves all holely - no lush fruit only a few struggling apples on one tree that just fall off all brown and yucky. Any that fall on my side - more food for the worms in the composter.

Still have to cut the overhanging branches - a job for next week. I know legally I don't have to ask but it's called being polite. Have nice neighbours on both sides of the property. The creeper growing along the left wall they don't want cutting. It has completely covered their side - they say it covers up the ugly wall and the squirrels don't like running along it. On the other side the lady says I can cut anything back that is overhanging so there is light on my own plants, same for the residents living in the properties at the bottom of the garden. Why can't everybody be just a nice.

Wednesday my stuff in storage finally arrived. Been a bit of a stress getting it back - people who organise it have been away. Least my flat looks better with the rest of the furniture in it - have a table to eat on not - not easy managing with trays. My mini office cupboard also - at long last somewhere to put all the files and papers. Didn't realise how many boxes the packers used. Stuck high in the hallway have only managed to unpack 12 so far. Finding so many things I don't really need anymore - the answer the local Freecycle - everything goes. Specially the brown boxes and white packing paper there is a queue of people waiting for them. Loads of stuff went today.

Wednesday also went outside to collect my recycle food box - I'd forgotten about the collect on Tuesday. As usual - only 4 boxes were very neatly stacked with the others 5 just left scattered as the collectors had left them. How that's for spite - being territorial about green boxes - it absolutely ludicrous - I always sort them out for everybody if I've got time. Who cares about what goes in the boxes or whose they are. In a nice world they should be just filled up one by one. Not this is my box and that is yours, it's all so petty. The same on collection night I put everything together. If I forget my green stuff and food box is just left behind - so very sad that adults can behave in this way.

Thursday more unpacking - seems never ending - my brain briefly evaporated - was so tired fell asleep on the sofa.

Friday was just a nothing day was quite determined I wasn't going to stress myself by unpacking anymore boxes - They'll have to wait until next week. To relax is working on my family tree. Post arrived with 2 more death certs and 1 marriage - working on the Penny/Lamb family 1700-1800's - direct ancestors. So difficult to get it right when names are common - was so chuffed when they turned out to be correct. There are over 20 family trees on the web with some of the same names but nobody has the details on the certs I received - am chuffed with my investigative skills. Also a whole batch on London records have been put on the web - found 3 of my grandfather half brothers marriages. I'm one of those that like to know what happened to people.

Brtiblog roundup 234

This weeks Britblog roundup 234 has been posted by Jonathan Calder - The one that breaks the rules. He's slapping the wrist of everybody so I suppose that includes me - I'm guilty of forgetting to post the roundup each week.

Just realised that I'm supposed to be the one producing next weekends - Unfortunately that's not going to be possible so I hope I can get one of the syndicate to change with me.

Rarely seen photos 1800s

Hat tip - Bridget Fox who is into all things good about Islington when she is not slagging off her Labour opponent Emily Thornberry.

For history buffs - The Daily Mail has an article with some interesting old photos of 1800s London and beyond.

One that caught my eye - London's famous landmark Nelson's Column under construction in April 1844 - have a look.

Apparently the British Library holds 350,000 historic pictures in its vaults, and for the first time ever it is running an exhibition of these rarely seen pictures, which will open in Oct this year - as it not far from here would be fascinating to see some more of the collection.

From the beyond my choice is the 1846 photo of the Colosseum in Rome - can't help remembering taking my sons there when they were young. While I was more interested in the history of the place they were fearlessly running about in the centre pretending to be lions and Roman gladiators - as we at were that time visiting from Africa I was so surprised that they even knew what gladiators were.

A day of surprises

Received a surprise letter today confirming my appointment as an associate Director on the Homes for Islington (HFI) Performance Management Committee on behalf of Partners.

It's all about performance, best practice and value for HFI services - serious stuff. Having been recommended for the post, went along to a meeting Monday - loads of reading - a packed agenda. Most of the other Directors and Associates I've met before so it wasn't like going into a room full of strangers.

Known to be somebody who says it as it is, calling a spade a spade - added my quota to the meeting. Seems somebody liked my approach.

Not much to actually report back to Partners - a little about PFI leaseholder issues but what made me smile was the matter of enforcing tenancy conditions with dogs as the priority. Tenants are allowed one dog, two with permission but in the past the regulations haven't been enforced with the result some residents have several and others even illegally breeding them. Two of the councillors were most vocal about the situation which is considered now getting out of hand. How they are going to implement the regulations uniform across the borough is yet to be confirmed - bureaucracy and red tape not withstanding eventually there will be an action plan.

Another issue that has resurfaced this week - the back left side boundary adjoining wall which is gradually falling apart and listing dangerously towards this property - after every rain more cracks appear - the middle section has completely separated from the two end wall sections. From next door the wall can been seen to be bending over in a kind of curve. In March 2007 suits came to inspect it then the matter went dead.

2009 one of new tenants next door is concerned as well - the company which owns that property has agreed to go halves with the cost of pulling it down and rebuilding. Now another survey appointment has been made. Was told that with so many walls in the queue it is turn by turn. Though if everything is agreed could be just 6 weeks after inspection before the work starts.

We live to see - the wall obviously dangerous something has to be done about it. I'm more concerned how they will go about it and the garden.

Green Energy & Oyster cards you are never to old to learn

Today is Barack Obama's birthday - today is also my son Sule's and his partner Natasha's birthday. I often wonder what are the odds of other couples being born not only on the same day but the same year - grandchildren have got their head round the strange situation by singing happy birthday to mummy and daddy.

What to buy for presents - just has to be for their new house. Went to see it last week with my sister. Excited children showing me every cupboard in every room. A house is a house but what has fascinated me about it is, as a new build it has many green energy saving features I've heard about but never seen in use before. Specially the solar panels on the roof, have to admit I'm still not sure in practical terms how they actually work.

Set back from the main road, one impressive feature about the whole building complex is the unusual shaped layout. There is even a closed off fully equipped children's playground visual to all residents so small children can play safely.

Learned another valuable lesson today about the use of the Oyster card. Unless one has a weekly or monthly payment on a card with the pay-as-you-go type, no matter how much money is on the card you have to buy a separate ticket to travel on the overland trains. As a visitor to London got my sister a pay-as-you-go. Loads of money on the card but when we rushed to catch the train we were blocked by the barrier. Had to queue up for a ticket - all so frustrating especially when the trains are only every half hour and it's getting to past children's bedtime. Which child is going to willingly go to bed when nana is expected and they are excitedly waiting to show off their new bedrooms!!!!

A week with my sister from Plymouth

An interesting week having my sister Anne-louise around - no kids, other family or dogs - been years since we have spent time together like that. Didn't manage all the things we had planned but..

Unpacking her bags - yes I mean bags (vegetables from her greenhouse all the way from Plymouth) - first up was her photos. Looking at the pictures of my daughter Jaycee who died wasn't a bad as I expected - sort of mentally tuned myself so I didn't get upset. Then the photos of us when we were growing up brought back so many memories. Our mother had written the dates on them all, without I wouldn't have guessed our ages. One of us, myself, Anne-louise and Jean all dressed up for our ballet classes - couldn't stop laughing. Can still remember the etiquette lessons and those classes - the 5 basic positions, first position, second position and all that - arabesques, plies, learning to stand on the blocks and the pointe work - toes hurt for days. Another - Rose Queen day, what a plonker I looked with the crown thing stuck on my head - can still remember dancing round the May pole.

Two unexpected photos of me on my first birthday - don't know why Anne-louise had them. Wouldn't have recognised myself - the only identifiable marking is they say Kensington on the back so they have to be me. They called it being chubby back then, I call it just plain fat.

One thing I have to say about our mother be we were all impeccably dressed. She knitted and sewed everything. I was about 5 when I got my first sewing machine - all my dolls were dressed in mini copies of what we wore. Learning to knit was easy - knit one purl one and drop stitch etc - must admit I haven't knitted a thing since 1973 though I've always had a sewing machine and more recently an over-locker.

Tuesday the scaffolding in this property came down - Anne-louise was a bit taken back by seeing men walking passed the window while she was half dressed. Her first reaction when they had gone was to look at the sad looking front window flower boxes.

Tuesday also was a visit to our cousin's son Rod from Australia who lives not far from here - the one who works in the TV industry ( photo above). Had a fantastic time - not all relations one takes to but he is an exception - such a witty young man - surprisingly he seemed to enjoy the visit as much as we did - well when you are young, to have two oldies around for hours can be tiresome. All the family tree stuff he finds as fascinating as well. Asked how out of all the places in London he ended up in Islington he just said when he arrive it felt like home - thinks it's so odd that his great grandfather Claude Wooldridge was born just down the road from where he lives (Liverpool Road) 1891 and his great, great, gran Blanche Young1866 walked the same streets. Suppose the same thing applies to me I can't really explain how from Africa I ended up in Islington either.

As expected he has a huge collection of photos on his high tech computer system. Found so many old family photos - was difficult to decide which ones we wanted. He has since zapped the whole lot over to me - isn't technology marvelous.

From his house of course Anne-louise wanted to see the house grandfather was born and the family church. Coming out of the church on the Holloway Road side noticed Ronalds Road where grandfathers brother was born - we just had to have a look. Have to agree with her when you think of the area back then it was horse-drawn carriages and tram lines not busy roads full of cars. On the return journey showed her the pillars which used to be the entrance to the old Tufnell Park estate. The manor (now demolished) stood on the site of the Holloway Odeon.

All that walking we were shattered so Wednesday after a rainy night we decided to cut the front hedge and tidy up the flower area. Usually takes me ages - the cutting is simple but the clearing up is so tiring - need to rest more these days as I'm doing it so takes me much longer than it used to. With two people it was so much quicker. She is more experienced than me in knowing what is what, which plants should grow where and how to treat them.

Almost finished when the visitors to the flat downstairs arrived with their children. I've never told her anything about the problems I have with them. It is so difficult to explain - it's so meaningless and she is a worrier. The smallest thing can trigger off a verbal onslaught - I'm so used to it now I just mentally switch off - goes in one ear and out the other. She couldn't get over what she called their aggressive behaviour as if other people don't have small children - she was quite put out by it all.

Don't know how we managed it but later we went to Kentish Town - she can't handle the hustle and bustle of Oxford Street. A family with all kind of allergies she found what she was looking for at the orgnanic shop. Couldn't get her out of the Garden Centre - thought I was bad enough - least we bought some pansies for the window boxes and a proper fancy tall pot for the indoor plants now on the stairs. Back home before she even had a cup of tea the window boxes were sorted and the two indoor plants were professionally repotted.

Thursday was just chilling - I had an appointment. She spent time scanning all the photos for me. Evening was a visit to my son Sule - a long journey now they have moved into their new house - spent hours just chin wagging. He sent us home in a taxi becasue we brought back some of their empty packing boxes for her to take back to Plymouth - would never have thought about it myself but they cost a bomb and she hates waste so everybody obliged.

Friday it was a day in the garden - she was quite determined to sort it out. Least I have all the correct soil for each type of plant and plant food. She had me dizzy the way she set about refreshing all the pots and cutting back the shrubs that have disease on them. Had my hand on my heart with way she cut them back so small. She gave me some pointers so the tree bushes don't grow so big.

Saturday she was off in a taxi - was going to go with her but the tube line was down for weekend maintence. Several hours later she phoned - back home safe boxes and all.